How Do I Walk In Freedom?

Over the last several months, God has been doing such a huge work in my life. In all honesty, the amount of work that God has done in my life during this past year is hard to even comprehend and digest. God has brought me a lot of healing from my past, and through sharing all that the Lord has done, my hope is that others would be encouraged and challenged as well. And honestly, part of that healing has come through finally slowing down enough to ask a question I didn’t expect to ask this year: What does it actually look like to walk in freedom? Not freedom that sounds spiritual on the surface, but the kind that reaches into the hidden places of your life and the places you usually push aside or keep quiet. I’ve learned along the way that freedom isn’t a one-time moment; it’s a daily decision to trust God again, to open your hands again, to let Him reshape the ways you think, feel, and live.

Rewind back to around Easter, when we had our first Freedom Conference of the calendar year. If you’re unaware, the Freedom Conference is an event 12Stone puts on as the final part of Freedom Groups. I had always been told this conference was one of the best things 12Stone does. Growing up at 12Stone, I argued that people might be overreacting, but man, was I wrong. I made the mistake of volunteering for the event before having been in a group or going through the content myself, and it wrecked me. Through some of the sessions, the Lord brought a lot of things fresh to my heart involving rejection and embarrassment I had walked through in my past—things I’ll touch on more a little later.

Through this first Freedom Conference, I felt the Lord gave me significant breakthroughs in this area, and to be honest, I treated it as something less than it was. I thanked God for bringing me healing and freedom, and went on my way. The posture I approached it with was, “Thanks God, I’ll talk to You when I need You again.” Because of this posture, I ended up still feeling tied down by a lot of heavy strongholds in my life. It was almost like God had allowed me to be free, and I voluntarily decided to still sit in it. Looking back, I can see now that I hadn’t yet learned that freedom isn’t maintained by willpower. Freedom grows when you stay close to God, even when you don’t feel anything dramatic happening. Freedom requires presence more than perfection.

Fast forward a few months, we had what 12Stone called Revival Nights, one of the least programmed things we’ve done in a long time. Leadership felt a push from God to have three nights where we simply showed up and asked Him to move intentionally. During this event, we were called to fast as a way of leaning completely on Him for everything we needed—and man, did He not disappoint. I could make an entire post solely about those three nights because that’s how much God did. We saw physical healing, emotional healing, spiritual healing, and freedom from demonic oppression and strongholds. Those nights taught me something I didn’t realize before: freedom often appears in layers. Sometimes God breaks something immediately; other times, He begins uncovering things we’ve buried so deep that it takes time for us to even recognize them.

During Revival Nights, I personally went in not feeling like I had anything particular to bring to the Lord. That changed after a counseling session a few days prior where the Lord revealed a lot to me.

During this season of my life in August, I felt so distant from the Lord. I was for sure in a “winter season,” where I tried so hard to hear from Him, yet it felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I felt so defeated and discouraged in every area of my life. Going into Revival Nights, I was still wrestling with strongholds from my past that I couldn’t shake and yet I continued pushing them down. By night three, the last night, I had poured out so much of myself that I had no strength left to keep pushing down what I tried to avoid and hide. Because of this, I ended up receiving prayer toward the end of the night, where I felt and believed that God broke even more things within me. Again, though, I treated it as something to thank God for and then returned to some form of normalcy. I had no idea the story He was continuing to write for me amidst my ignorance.

I truly believe these two events were things God used to prepare me for what He wanted to do this past week. What I didn’t have language for then was this truth: freedom isn’t about feeling strong. It often begins when you finally run out of strength and when you stop hiding, stop pushing things down, and let God meet you exactly where you are, not where you wish you were.

A lot of my hurt originates from when I was in middle school. I think many of us can look back on those years and find at least one rough memory because it’s a weird season for most of us. During that time, I ended up being the kid most chose to pick on for a number of reasons. Middle schoolers love to point out others’ imperfections to make themselves feel better about their own. For me, the main thing kids bullied me for was being very tender-hearted. That meant I expressed emotions in a big way, which has its pros and cons. But as a middle schooler, you don’t know how to process this, so naturally, I created defense mechanisms to bottle those emotions up.

As I grew up, these mechanisms continued to grow, especially as I walked through seasons of rejection in relationships. I developed a desire to people-please so others would like me, or at least like a version of me. I started to live life through a distorted lens that eventually became normal. It was like looking through a dirty window—after a while, you don’t notice it’s dirty until someone cleans it, and suddenly you realize how unclear everything had become. Looking back, I can see that freedom doesn’t just mean God removes the pain, it means He helps you see yourself clearly again. He wipes the window clean so you can recognize the lies you believed for so long without ever realizing they were there.

This grew even more in my high school years, where I was living behind a façade without even knowing it. I did everything I could to change who I was so I would be accepted and wanted by others. This only multiplied through dating relationships. Several years ago, I walked through a relationship that was, in some ways, verbally and emotionally abusive. That caused all the defense mechanisms I created as a kid to multiply exponentially. I became numb to my emotions and started living in a way where I intellectualized my emotions because as long as I could understand how I felt, I didn’t actually have to feel it. On top of that, I procrastinated my emotions: if I didn’t have to feel them now, I’d push them to later… except later rarely came. Because of all this, I began using certain things to cope with my feelings with eating being a big one.

Eventually, I reached a point where my greatest love language, words of affirmation, was something I couldn’t accept anymore. I struggled to accept compliments from anyone, which slowly killed me inside. The thing that brought me the most life was something I couldn’t even receive. I became locked in a prison that, after a while, felt normal, and I accepted it as my reality as if there were no way out.

When you go throughout life carrying deep wounds that have shaped who you are for so long, it becomes easy not to notice them. But freedom began showing up in small ways whether in moments when God gently exposed what I ignored, in conversations where people spoke truth I didn’t know how to receive, or in the courage to be honest with myself for the first time in years. Sometimes freedom looks like God simply turning on the lights so you can finally see the room you’ve been living in.

For most of my life, I never realized how deeply Scripture ties freedom to truth. Jesus says in John 8:32, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” I always heard that growing up, but this year I finally understood it. Freedom doesn’t start when your circumstances change, it starts when God reveals truth that you couldn’t see on your own. The Holy Spirit doesn’t expose things to shame you; He exposes things to liberate you. It reminded me of Ephesians 5:13, where Paul says that everything exposed by the light becomes visible, and everything that is illuminated becomes light. In other words, the very places we try to hide are the places God intends to transform.

Throughout this year, I’ve seen how God’s freedom never contradicts His character, it flows from it. Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” That means freedom isn’t a bonus feature of Christianity; it’s the atmosphere of the life Jesus died to give us. Authors like John Mark Comer and Henry Nouwen often talk about the deep inner freedom that comes when we let God dismantle the false selves we build to survive. That has been my reality this year. God wasn’t just breaking chains, He was revealing who I actually am beneath all the self-protection and proving that His goal wasn’t just to heal my past but to restore my identity.

All this context helps give a bigger perspective on what the Lord has done in my life this year, and especially this last week. About a week ago, we had our second Freedom Conference of the year, which I got to attend as a member of a small group made up of staff. To be completely honest, the week leading up to the conference was one of the hardest for my mental health. Seeing the reason behind that now and the ways the enemy tried to attack me knowing what was coming has encouraged me. How often do we walk through trials without knowing the breakthrough God has right around the corner?

Going into the conference, the Lord was kind in helping me know exactly what I was asking Him for freedom from. I had a counseling session scheduled the day before, and it opened my eyes to where I really was.

Going into the conference, I felt a thick heaviness, knowing I was going to war. As we walked through the conference, I realized how all the different topics built on each other instead of being separate and unrelated. The way the conference worked was that we would start with worship, go into a specific topic, then walk up and receive prayer regarding that topic. I loved that prayer wasn’t optional because it removed the pressure of deciding whether to go up or not. Having other people interceding on my behalf was such a blessing, one I’ll always cherish.

As we moved through the conference, I felt God start to release some of what had been hanging over me. It blew my mind how every time I went up for prayer, the Lord put the exact things I needed to pray into my heart. He opened my eyes to the importance of confessing the last 10% I was still holding back and became something that brought so much release and healing. The more we moved through, the lighter I felt. And something became clear: God never intended for me to fight for freedom alone. He designed community, confession, and intercession as part of the process—not because He needs help, but because we do. Freedom deepens when others carry your burdens with you.

The conference lasted over two days, and for the very last session, they always do a celebration involving baptism and commissioning into what life looks like after the conference. The Lord kept drawing my attention to the baptism tub, placing small thoughts in my mind again and again. I was baptized in sixth grade and always believed that moment was solid for me. I had the picture-perfect testimony: grew up in kids ministry at 12Stone, accepted Jesus there, got baptized there, grew up in student ministry, and am now on staff. But I think the Lord was revealing that I didn’t truly understand what baptism meant the first time.

The more I thought about it, the more I rationalized and defended my original baptism, insisting I knew what it meant. Yet God kept assuring me that wasn’t true. I kept avoiding the thought until one of the staff members on stage gave a prompt and said, “Some of you are letting man get in the way of you getting baptized.” As soon as I heard those words, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety, knowing it was me. It was a feeling I couldn’t shake, as if every internal defense mechanism went off at once. As I sat in my spot during worship, I noticed the session was nearing the end, knowing my time was running short. I told the Lord I needed Him to give me a clear sign that this was something He wanted me to do—that it wasn’t emotional hype or irrational thinking.

As I continued glancing at the tub, I kept locking eyes with Frank, my campus pastor. Each time it happened, the emotions intensified to the point that I felt overwhelmed. In that moment, I finally told God, “That still isn’t enough for me.” As soon as those words left my mouth, I felt an arm go around my shoulder. It was Josh, one of the guys I’ve worked with for a long time and someone I consider a close friend and brother. He had prayed over me earlier, so he knew a little of what I was carrying. In that moment, I couldn’t ignore what I felt the Lord asking me to do, so I walked up to the tub and had a conversation with Frank.

Through that conversation, it felt like the Lord was telling me that it was “time for you to die to your status in order to walk in the true sonship I have for you.” In all honesty, I knew that God loved me, I preached it, but deep down, because of all the baggage I carried, it was hard to fully accept and believe that love for myself. And because that had become normal, I never really thought about it. In that moment, I felt so overwhelmed because every red panic button inside me was going off. I was consumed with thoughts of what people in the room would think, yet deeply drawn to what God was inviting me into. It was the first moment in my life where it felt like God walked up and handed me the keys to the cell I’d been trapped in for years, and let me decide whether I would turn the key and walk out.

Stepping into that tub was an act of obedience to no one but Him.

As I sat in that tub, it felt like so much flashed before my eyes through the things I had walked through, the burdens I had carried, the lies I had believed. I will never forget the feeling of going under and truly being raised to new life in Christ. When I came out of the water, it felt like every stronghold from my past was released, and as I stood up and lifted my fists in the air, I heard the sound of a chain breaking. On November 15th, the Lord saved me from the jail cell I had been stuck in and allowed me to walk in freedom. That moment showed me something I will never forget: freedom is received, not earned. God had been gently leading me toward this for months; I just didn’t realize it. And when I finally surrendered, it wasn’t emotional hype, it was truth. It was Him. It was the moment my heart finally aligned with what He had been offering all along.

What God has shown me through all of this is that the freedom He offers is not symbolic but it’s something that is supernatural. Scripture describes what I experienced in Romans 6, that when we are buried with Christ in baptism, we are raised to walk in newness of life. Freedom isn’t pretending to be new; it’s actually becoming new because the power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in us. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” I used to think that meant a moment in worship or an emotional breakthrough. But this year I’ve learned that true freedom is the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit breaking the power of old patterns and opening your eyes to who you really are in Christ.

In his book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster writes that inner transformation is not about trying harder, but it’s about training under the grace and presence of God. That truth has reshaped how I understand freedom. Freedom is not the absence of struggle; it’s the presence of the Spirit in the struggle. It’s waking up each day knowing that the chains you once carried have no authority anymore, not because you’re strong, but because Jesus already won. This kind of freedom doesn’t fade with emotion; it roots itself deeper every time you choose to surrender, listen, and trust.

Over this last week, life has looked so different for me. The Lord has shifted my mindset from trying to “get back to where I was,” whether emotionally or physically, to instead “rediscovering” these things. God has been so kind as I learn how to walk again in the new freedom He’s given me. Some days, that has looked like slowing down long enough to breathe, to pray, to go on walks and let God quiet the noise inside me. Other days, it has looked like letting Scripture speak life into places that have been tense for years. And sometimes, it has looked like being honest with trusted people and discovering how God uses community to reinforce the freedom He gives.

If I could tell you everything He has released me from and changed in my life just over this week, it would be a book. I can truthfully say that nothing is sweeter than walking in the love, grace, and freedom that Christ offers us through His sacrifice; freedom that makes us whole. No one can take that away from me or anyone else.

My encouragement to you today is to invite God into the dark places and the places you may not even want to visit yourself. When we bring the things in the dark into the light, I believe we experience the freedom and life He intends for us to live. Not a life of ease or a life without trials, but one He walks alongside us in. Because freedom isn’t fragile. It’s not based on your performance or emotions. It’s rooted in His presence, His consistency, His nearness. And the same God who walked me out of years of heaviness, fear, and hidden pain is more than able to walk with you too one step at a time.

Freedom Conference, November 15, 2025